You Were Born Too: Celebrating the Child Becoming a Sibling

When a baby is born, a family expands — and so does each heart within it. But while the focus often rests on the newborn, there is another birth quietly unfolding: the transformation of a child into a big brother or sister.

This moment marks a profound shift in identity. The firstborn is no longer “the baby,” but someone new, with a new role to grow into. This transition is filled with wonder, but also layered with big feelings: pride and curiosity, alongside confusion, sadness, or even jealousy. As pediatrician T. Berry Brazelton wisely said:
“The birth of a sibling is a rebirth for the firstborn: they must reorganize their place in the family, grieve the exclusive attention they once had, and grow into a new, expanded identity.”

The Psychology Behind the Transition

Child psychologists remind us that this experience is often a child’s first major encounter with love and rivalry in one relationship. It shapes early concepts of sharing, empathy, and belonging. Jeanne Segal puts it beautifully:
“A new sibling is a first experience of love and rivalry rolled into one. How a child navigates this early relationship can shape their understanding of relationships for life.”

Regression is common — a child may suddenly want a bottle again, cry more easily, or act out. These behaviors are not setbacks, but signals: they are recalibrating their world and asking, Am I still safe? Am I still seen?
What they need most is not perfection, but presence. A sense that their emotions are valid, their bond with you remains unshaken, and that there is still a sacred place for them in this growing family.

Developmental Gifts

With time, this transition can open rich new ground for the older child:
• Emotional intelligence begins to bloom as they learn about caring, patience, and sharing.
• They may start to practice nurturing behaviors, mirroring what they see in their parents.
• Their sense of self expands — from “I am loved” to “I am important to someone else’s world.”
As one anonymous quote captures:
“Children don’t just gain a brother or sister — they gain a mirror, a companion, a challenger, and a teacher.”

Holding Space for the Transition: The Role of a Sibling Doula

In the sacred window when birth unfolds, the role of a Sibling Doula is to gently hold the older child’s hand through the unseen, yet profound, changes.

As a Sibling Doula, I am not only there to provide care while the parents welcome new life. I am there to witness the child’s transformation — to honour it, and to give it space. While I watch him play, knowing his mama is giving birth, I cannot stop thinking what an honour it is for me to spend these last moments of his life as an only child.
I am present as his world changes forever — and this is precious.
I feel the tender grief of letting go of his life as the sole receiver of his parents’ gaze.
And I also hold the excitement of all that is beginning: the friendships, the loyalty, the fierce sibling bond that will shape who he becomes.
My role is to create a space where all these feelings — the sadness, the curiosity, the pride — are welcome.
Where he is not rushed, but seen, celebrated, and gently guided into his new identity.

Acknowledging and Celebrating the Transition

In many cultures, this transformation is ritualized and celebrated, offering the older child a sense of honor and continuity. These moments don’t need to be grand to be meaningful. Here are a few simple ways to recognize the sibling’s birth into their new role:

1. The Big Sibling Gift
A small token “from the baby” to the older child — a handmade bracelet, a wooden medal, or a note saying: “I can’t wait to grow up with you.” This reaffirms the older child’s importance, and introduces the sibling bond as something mutual and special.

2. The Story Ritual
Tell a short story that mirrors the journey of becoming a big brother or sister. It might go something like:
“Once, a little boy heard a whisper from the stars: ‘Soon, you’ll be someone’s hero…’” Children process change through imagination. A story makes space for feelings and invites them to see their new role as an adventure.

3. The Welcome Ceremony
Light a candle or gather with close family. Say a few heartfelt words: “Today we welcome [baby’s name] into our arms, and we honour [older sibling’s name] — for growing, for loving, for becoming.” Sharing a treat or song afterward seals the moment with warmth.

4. Cultural Inspirations
• In Japan, families celebrate with sekihan, a festive red bean rice, marking important life events. Sharing it with the older child is a symbol of pride and good fortune.
• In some African traditions, elders formally introduce the older child to the newborn, acknowledging their new role as guide and protector through special songs.
• In Latin American cultures, godparents or family might offer a symbolic item — a small candle, cross, or keepsake — recognizing the child’s growth and responsibilities.

You Were Born Again Too

It’s easy to forget that while the baby arrives into the world, the older sibling also arrives somewhere new: into a more complex version of themselves. Their journey deserves to be held with care, acknowledged with love, and celebrated as its own kind of birth. So next time you welcome a newborn, take a moment to say to the older child:“You were born again too. Into something bigger. Into a brother. Into a sister. Into someone the world — and this new baby — needs deeply.”